Je suis un Homme
by AAJ Edward
Summary: I'm a man: a sentence that holds so much meaning for the world. And two countries in particular. Ludwig is depressed, sick of being alone and hated. Francis is sick of watching his people fight and hurt. Together, they hold onto this phrase. LudwigFrancis
1. Prologue 1: Denn die Liebe

**So this is only the first Prologue. Honestly, I enjoy the Ludwig/Francis pairing and there's so few stories written for this pairing that it makes me sad. So here's my contribution. To understand the story, I recomend you listen to the song the title is named after. "Je suis un Homme" by Zazie. Anyway, this is going to be a relatively... darker story. There will be sprinkles of humor and such, but this is going to be more focused on the feelings of the two as well as their relationship. This will likely be updated when I'm in a depressed mood so updates may be few and far between with random spurts of update after update. But yeah... please enjoy, and I'm sorry if I get anything wrong in here. Like I said, more focused on the characters than events in history.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, songs, or anything historical or copyrighted in this fic. All I own is the plot and the sick and twisted nature my mind takes form with this fic.**

**

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Je suis un Homme**

**Prologue 1: Denn die Liebe **

Ludwig loved Feliciano.

The little Italian had always been stead fast by his side through out the war. He had always been a constant figure in the German's life since they had first met. First coming into his orbit in World War I and then their bond only being deepened during World War II. Even after Ludwig's cruelty near the end of the war had caused the little Italian to become more determined to help his friend. It became his goal in life to free the German from the insanity surrounding him. And that's what he'd done. He'd found the key to unlock the chains keeping his heart far from the world. He had forced his way through the barriers and broken down the walls that had formed over the years. And in the midst of the rubble, the German was scared. Until a slender and soft hand had been held out to him, offering the guidance he so desperately needed, a loving and warm smile offering reassurence and a place to run to for comfort. It was home... And in those seconds, life seemed oh so much brighter.

Ludwig loved Feliciano...

…

But the Italian didn't love him back...

Ludwig loved his brother.

From the time he'd been found by the Prussian, he'd greatly questioned his parenting skills. Gilbert had a tenancy to forget about certain things. An occasional missed meal. Forgetting he had to be back at a certain time to take care of his sibling. Forgetting schooling. Forgetting to hold his tongue and forgetting about crude langauge. Forgetting about showing affection. And yet Ludwig still loved his brother. The Prussian would leave for late night rendez vous with his closest friends and Ludwig would stay up late, watching the door for when his brother would come home. He never stayed up late enough, his brother returning to the blond curled up on the floor by the door, one of Gilbert's shirts or coats wrapped around the small body. Even through the war, Ludwig's patience with the Prussian never died. The Prussian had even been with him through out the invasion of one of his closest friends, taking Paris right alongside the country he'd helped raise. And at the end, when the wall had been built, the German had waited. Diligently he visited the wall every day, from dawn to sunset, he was out there pacing the length of the wall that separated him from his only family. When the hammers started to ring, the German was right there, throwing his weight into every hit until the wall fell. And on the other side had been his brother, climbing through the debris only to pull his Bruder into his arms.

Ludwig loved his brother...

…

But his brother had a new person to protect...

Everyone Ludwig loved seemed to be drifting away. He had no one to confide in. No longer was he able to be held with the security he missed from his older sibling. No longer did he feel the presence of a lithe Italian lying beside him when he slept. Somehow, over time, Feliciano's attention had been drawn to the less intimidating Prussian, affections soon forming on the brunet's side. Affections that were soon very much returned. Gilbert and Feliciano were dating after that. Gilbert's attenion was fully on the Italian, his constant games of annoying his brother done. The Italian began to seek refuge in the Prussian's bed instead of the German's.

Conversations and meals were shared with the three, Italy seemingly have become a permanent part of the brothers' lives. Feliciano still treated Ludwig as a close friend, but most of the close touches and affection had stopped, the line becoming clear where the two stood. A hug was normal, but only on rare occasions would the Italian give him a small peck on the cheek, grinning widely as he always did.

In the case of Gilbert, it was as if the Prussian had forgotten completely his brother had ever existed. Only when the Italain wasn't around was Ludwig able to converse with his brother. And even then the Prussian would begin to day dream, tuning his brother out completely. His brother had always had a knack for ignoring him, but if the German had needed to talk, vent, or just cry, he'd always been there. Now he was lucky if the Prussian listened for five minutes before his fatansies of an Italian consumed his every thought. Any form of support Ludwig had had was gone. He no longer had anyone he could cry to. Sure Italy would be there to listen, but it hurt too much to be around the smiling Italian. And so Ludwig swallowed his feelings, keeping his thoughts to himself, and plastering on a fake smile for the rest of the world. Only those outside the house hold seemed to notice the subtle changes, among the select few being Lovino and Antonio. And for once, the insults from the elder Italian had seemed... lacking in their usual hatred.

Despite this, the German still ended up alone at night. The only company being his dogs... and the German Luger he kept close at hand. For the time he finally got the nerve to pull the trigger...


	2. Prologue 2: Par Amour

**Part 2... sorry it's a bit short...  


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Je suis un Homme**

**Prologue 2: Par Amour**

She'd died in his arms...

Francis had watched an older lover of his fall in love. They had dated for a few months, eventually breaking up but staying in close touch. They were almost like siblings, as Francis liked to say. And when she'd fallen in love, he was so happy for her. The man was good to her, treated her right and loved her better than Francis ever could have.

He'd watched and supported as she fell more and more in love with the man. The day she was gto be married, she cried in joy as Francis was there once more to support her. He gave her away, her own father being unable to make it due to a prison sentence.

Over the years, he watched her glow and slave nine months through a pregnancy. He watched as she held her child for the first time and tears rolled down her cheeks. He was the first person after the parents to hold her daughter. He was made the god father, a guardian over the young princess.

And then the economy began to fail and he watched as her happy life shattered into a thousand pieces. He watched as she nursed bruises every night and listened to the echos of her screaming each night as she was raped. He listened as she cried on his shoulder, and held her child while she clung to him for support. He listened as the gun cocked and the barel pivoted as a shell was discharged from the chamber. He watched as her husband discharged a second into his own head. He cried as he cradled her blood covered body.

She'd died in his arms...

He'd known her for years...

And she'd died with her eyes locked on his...

Francis loved children...

He watched as the ambulence had come, followed closely by police, and then investigators. He held her daughter as they carted her body away. He listened to her daughter cry as he sat in court. He listened to her parents and his parents throw accusations around, arguing for who got custody. He answered the judges questions as they were asked. He listened as the will was read, feeling his heart breaking slowly. He held her daughter as he signed the adoption papers. He held her daughter when he brought her home. He loved her daughter as he'd loved her. He looked at her daughter. She was only a child. He was only a man. They were both grieving.

Francis loved children...

But looking at her...

He cried...


	3. 1 Regen des Herzens

**Aaaand here we are! The first official chapter! I wanted to do more with the end, but at present, I'm too out of it to remember what I was going to do. Oh well... It might show up later if I can remember. Enjoy! R&R!  


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Je suis un Homme**

**Chapter 1: ****Regen des Herzens**

The morning started as normally as any other. Ludwig had gotten up early, showered, gotten dressed, brushed his teeth, washed his face, even fixed his hair, all within record time. Once presentable, he had made his way down the stairs to the kitchen where he began the usual breakfast, already planning on three people being there to eat. He ate a plate on his own, saving the rest in bowls covered to keep them warm. He was used to being the only one up at this hour, enjoying the little bit of peace.

Ludwig had always liked his solitude. He'd always enjoyed the peace silence could bring. Sure he got plenty of time alone at night, but then it was different. He was locked in his room. What had started as a place to hide had somehow become a cage. In his room he was alone with his thoughts. He could let his mind run wild when he was shut up in his room. He could feel just how alone he was. He used to dream in his room, his bed being a welcome sight at the end of the day, ready and waiting to take him on desired journeys with longed for endings. Now it was merely a place of torture. His dreams were no longer kind. They were cruel and left him stricken and crying out silently for help. From his bed, he could hear Feliciano's sighs and moans coupled with his brother's grunts and growls as the two made love. From his bed, he wouldn't dare touch himself. For every touch turned into a wound. He would bleed, bruise, and sometimes break if he were to do so. He used to enjoy pain and blood play. Now it was something he despised with his entire being. It was his life... the life he lived all because of a lie he continued to feed. Putting on act after act like some fool, a court jester vying for the sound of any form of laughter, just wanting one child to smile at his efforts... for someone to smile at him.

No... in the long run, early mornings had become Ludwig's favorite time of day. He'd even started getting up earlier to greet the day and have a moment of peace, if only for a second longer. At least there was room to breathe in the morning. He wasn't confined to one room. He could move around the house freely without waking the other two occupants. And if need be, he could always take the dogs on a walk and get some fresh air. But his sleep was lacking for this bit of peace.

He was going to sleep later than he used to. It was a weak attempt to avoid being locked up in his room. And, honestly, it was the most obvious change in the German. Feliciano had tried to stay up and talk to him the first few times, wanting answers. But the attempts had been in vain as a Prussian had thrown the Italain over his shoulder and carried him to their room. After that, he'd stopped trying to talk to Ludwig about the sudden change in sleeping habits.

Sighing, Ludwig forced his mind from that train of thought and focused back on the paper in front of him, scanning the German headlines and a few of the smaller stories, feigning cutriosity as to what was happening in his country. An ironic smile formed and he shook his head with a soft snort. No one around and he was still acting...

Footsteps on the stairs drew his attention and he blinked, lifting his gaze to the stair case in time to see Feliciano hopping his way down the steps, a wide grin in place. The Italian made his way into the kitchen and grinned as he spotted his friend.

"Doitsu~! Good morning!" he greeted, wrapping his arms around the German's shoulders from behind for a second before skipping over to get himself a plate of breakfast.

Ludwig's gaze trailed him and he sighed softly. A heart breaking warmth had begun to swell in his chest the second those arms were around him. And the second they were gone, he could feel his body going cold once more. "Guten Morgen, Italia..." He muttered in response, forcing his gaze back to the paper.

"How did you sleep, Doitsu?" Feliciano asked, returning to the table and taking a seat with his full plate. Ludwig paused and lifted his gaze for a second before returning it to the black and white print.

"As I always do..."

It was a generic response now. Much like everything else he said. All of it recycled and so reused he was beginning to sound like a broken record that repeated only things people wanted to hear.

Feliciano blinked and looked the German over before grinning. "Good, good! Gilbert is in the shower."

"I see..." Ludwig replied, nodding once and keeping his gaze steady on the paper. "Is he planning on using up all of the hot water yet again?"

"Ve~... I don't know." Feliciano giggled, grinning a bit more. He paused long enough to take a bite and chew before swallowing to speak. "He does have a habit of doing so doesn't he?" he added, laughing lovingly. Ludwig's heart clenched at the sound.

"I have a habit of doing what?" Gilbert's voice echoed, making his presence known as he entered the kitchen.

"Ah! Good morning, Gil-Gil!" Feliciano greeted, getting to his feet and making his way over to the half naked Prussian. The albino purred and wrapped his arms around the lithe body, pulling him closer to his chest and kissing him. The Italian returned the kiss, deepening it as Gilbert managed to weasle his tongue into the other's mouth. When he pulled back,there was a soft "smack" as their lips broke the seal keeping them together. The Prussian purred, licking his lips.

"Sweet... West must have made pancakes..." he stated, licking Feliciano's lips once before going to get himself a plate. Ludwig's heart felt like it was being stabbed.

"Really, Bruder... must you do that in the kitchen? It's bad enough you embrace partial nudity... if not complete..." he muttered, frowning at his older brother.

Blinking, Gilbert looked over his shoulder and smirked, as if only just now noticing his brother's presence. "Kessesse~... well good morning to you, too."

Ludwig just rolled his eyes. He wasn't going to respond, not that Gilbert was waiting for one. No, instead he'd already gone and made himself cozy with the Italian.

And thus the morning routine continued. But for some reason, Ludwig was even more irritable today.

Gilbert kissed Feliciano.

Ludwig kept his gaze on the paper, though his hands shook a little.

Gilbert's lips moved to the Italian's neck.

Ludwig's jaw tightened.

Gilbert marked the neck exposed to him when the other had tilted his head.

Ludwig's eyes closed to try and block out the images.

Gilbert's hand snaked under the table and Feliciano gasped.

Ludwig slapped the paper down on the table and fixed his brother with a glare. "Do you mind?"

"Huh?" Gilbert asked, blinking as he turned his attention to his younger brother. Ludwig bit back a growl, trying to keep his glare in check.

"Do you have to do that at the table?"

"Why yes... yes I do..." Gilbert replied, a smirk forming once he'd caught on. "You don't like it, you can go somewhere else... after all, you're done eating."

Ludwig didn't bother with trying to control his glare anymore. "This is the kitchen table. If you're going to do that, at least do so in your room."

Feliciano blushed, ducking his head in silent apology. "Sorry, Doitsu... I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable..." he muttered, knowing how the German could be when intimacy was involved. Ludwig glanced at Feliciano, silently letting him know he'd done nothing wrong.

"Tch... no wonder you're alone, West... you're so stuck up no one wants to even try dating you..." Gilbert stated, snorting. "So not awesome..."

For the first time in a long time, Ludwig allowed himself to get angry. "Well I'm sorry if I'm not as perfect as you are!" he snapped before standing and heading into the main hall. He whistled, calling for Blackie as he slipped on his boots. The germanshepherd made his way over, tail wagging patiently as the leash was hooked into place. Seconds later, the door slammed behind the two.

In the kitchen, Feliciano was left watching the door worriedly, fidgeting almost nervously while Gilbert stared in shock at the place where his brother had been only moments before. The Prussian quickly recovered, shaking his head and starting to eat his quickly cooling breakfast. Slowly, Feliciano turned his gaze back to the Prussian, frowning a bit.

"Ve~... Gilbert... I'm worried about, Doitsu... he doesn't normally act like that..."

"Not around you." Gilbert snorted, shrugging of the worry. "He's fine, Babe... he gets like this from time to time. Bottles up his annoyance with me until he snaps. It's normal." he replied, pressing a soft kiss to the Italian's cheek. "Just watch. He'll be back in a few hours yelling at me to clean up after Gilbird..."

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Honestly, he wasn't sure where he was going. All he knew was that he needed to be away from his brother and lover for the time being. If he'd stayed he'd have said something stupid. And that was the last thing he wanted.

Ludwig was trying. He really was. And he was happy for them. Honest he was. But it still hurt. Oh it hurt...

The soft click of Blackie's trimmed claws against the pavement doubled the time of his own steady steps as his feet carried him further and further from his house. He let the dog lead, just trailing as he trusted the dog with their direction. He was lost in his thoughts most the time, just letting his mind wander.

He snapped out of his thoughts as a voice called over, insulting him as he was used to.

"Oi! Potato bastard! The hell are you going?"

The blond lifted his blue gaze to the elder Italian, Lovino making his way over trailed by... oh god. Antonio and Francis... Just what he needed. Sighing, he pulled the dog to a stop and frowned. "Was do you want, Lovino?"

Something must have registered in the Italian's mind because he frowned, worry flashing in his expression as he made his way over. "Ludwig? What happened? You ok?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" He countered, tilting his head slightly and trying to play the concern off and behave as he normally did. However, the sad truth was, he was quickly forgetting was "normal" for himself.

"For one, your shirt's messily done..." Lovino pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest, tilting his head in an attempt to gt a better look at the German. "You look tired. And the real seller? The fact that you look ready to cry...Now ya gonna spit it out?" The Southern Italian snapped. Ludwig flinched, swallowing back his pride. He hadn't even noticed the tears pricking his gaze... not that he'd ever admit they were there.

Shifting a bit, Antonio looked between the two. "Um... Lovi... maybe-"

"This has to do with _il mio fratellino_... doesn't it?" Lovino questioned, frowning a bit in worry. Ludwig barely bit back his panic. Still, Lovino continued to mind fuck him, looking him over and slowly puzzling through the different emotions he was beginning to detect in the German's, for once, ungaurded eyes. Ludwig was almost afraid to look away, knowing he'd give the other the answer he was looking for. And just when he'd been about to give into the urge, Francis spoke up.

"Perhaps _s__toïcien Allemagne__may_ want to keep his reasons to himself?" the Frenchman offered, lifting a brow and looking to Lovino, a silent conversation passing between the two before the Italian took a step back.

Ludwig glanced once at the Frenchman, nodding once in silent thanks. His only response from the other blond was a friendly smile before he continued to distract both the Spaniard and Italain. Taking the chance, Ludwig left, Blackie trailing after him. He'd have to thank the Frenchman for this later. The point was only backed up by the sound of a cursing Italian, shriek, followed by the sound of a slap. Oh yeah... he definitely needed to thank Francis...

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The translations of the title chapters are simple...

**Je Suis un Homme: I'm a Man**

** Denn die Liebe: For love**

**Par Amour: For Love**

**Regen des Herzens: Stimulate the Heart**

In this chapter...

_Il mio fratellino: My little brother_

_Stoïcien Allemagnemay: Stoic Germany_


	4. 2 Stimuler le Coeur

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE!**

Ok, so this is late... I know, but hey, I'm starting on the next chapter as soon as this is loaded up. No promises as to when it'll be done, but I want to get at least the bulk of it done. Anyway... R&R!

Alright... this would have been up much sooner but I was at Anime Detour 2011 as well as fanfiction was not letting me update certain stories... this being one of them... I've had this chapter done for almost a week and a half now. So yeah... sorry about that...

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**Je suis un Homme**

**Chapter 2: ****Stimuler le Coeur**

The house was dark by the time Francis arrived home to nurse the growing brusises from his friend's overly abusive boyfriend. He loved Lovi, really he did, but there were times he'd have liked to keep his face unharmed. Obviously it hadn't worked today and he found himself going to the freezer for an ice pack to use on his swelling cheek.

The day had been almost too long for his liking. Retirieving the desired object, he wrapped it into a towel and flopped onto the couch nearby. He enjoyed his smaller apartment. It wasn't too big nor too small. Just right for a bachelor like himself. It was the cleanest nor was it a pit. The occasional porn book and novella lying around, an extra shirt and tie... yeah, all in all it was pretty neatly kept compared to most the med the Frenchman knew. He snorted at that thought, smirking as he held the ice to his face. The only man he did know that kept their home perfectly spotless was, in fact, Ludwig. Of which had to be difficult due to Gilbert AND Feliciano being there nearly 24/7.

Franci's face fell as his thoughts turned to the blond German he'd seen earlier that day. Something had been off about the usually stoic man. He'd been deeply hurt... but by what? Thinking back on it, Lovino had mentioned something about the small Italian... did he remember there being chemistry between the two? But that didn't make sense. Gilbert was dating Feliciano and they were perfectly happy... in Ludwig's house. Frown deepening, Francis pulled his phone out and texted his albino friend, requesting he come over for an hour or so to talk.

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Shifting in his seat, Gilbert purred as he got comfortable on Francis' couch. It had been a while since he'd been over to see his close friend and now, here he was with a good beer in his hand and friend right across from him. "So... What's up?"

"... Nothing really I just... I saw Ludwig earlier today when I was out with Anotnio and Lovino..."

The albino paused and lifted a brow, taking a sip of his beer.

"...He looked like something was bothering him..."

"You're point?" Gilbert asked, lifting his brow a bit higher. "He's always bothered by something... I mean, yeah he got pissed cause I was enjoying my boyfriend at the breakfast table, but what else is new?"

The Frenchman sighed, shaking his head. "Oh Gilbert..."

"But seriously, dude... did you really bring the awesome me here to talk about my tight assed baby brother?" The Prussian laughed in amusement, smirking.

Francis scowled this time, for once finding the other's childishness to be inappropriate. "Gilbert! I'm honestly worried this time..."

"Why? Luddy's a big boy. He can take care of himself."

"He looked ready to cry, Gilbert!"

That stopped the Prussian in his tracks. Beer bottle halfway to his lips, red eyes widening. He let this process for a few moments before he slowly lowered the bottle. Setting it on the nearby coffee table, he turned his ruby gaze to the blond. "He... what?"

Francis studied his friend and sighed, running a hand through his shoulder length hair. "Your brother isn't as ok as you think he is, Gilbert... When I saw him today... Gilbert I haven't seen him look that lost and alone since the Berlin wall was constructed..."

The albino was silent, gaze dropped to the floor as he tried to think of anything he might have seen. "But... why? It doesn't make sense... he's been perfectly happy as of late?"

"Has he?"

Gilbert looked up and frowned. "What?"

"Has he been happy? You're sure you aren't just saying that because you've been too happy to notice?"

A growl. "Excuse me?"

"Think about it, Gilbert... How did you meet, Feliciano?"

"Through Ludwig..."

"Who did Ludwig spend most of his time with?"

"Feliciano..."

"Who made him smile for the first time after you lost the war?"

"...Feliciano..."

"Who does he hardly ever get to spend time with?"

"Feliciano..."

"And?"

"... Japan?"

"You." Francis corrected, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. He sighed and slumped a bit. "Gilbert... you've been so wrapped up in Feliciano that..." he paused, struggling to form the words. He already had a theory, it was just getting the other to listen to him that would be difficult. "...I think... Ludwig might love Feliciano..."

The albino frowned, snorting. "Right... and I can shit rainbows and butterflies..."

"Gilbert, I'm being serious. Think about it! All the signs are there. Just... think about it?"

The Prussian stood and shook his head, grabbing the beer bottle. "Thanks for the beer, Francis, but I'm not gonna sit here and listen to this bull shit."

"Why would I lie to you?"

Gilbert rounded on the Frenchman. "I know you like me. And I know you're jealous of Feliciano and I. So do me a favor. Quit trying to break us up, leave me the hell alone! And leave my fucking brother out of your jealous schemes!" the Prussian snapped, throwing the bottle against the far wall, the glass shattering and falling to the ground in a foaming fountain of amber.

"Gilbert! Wait! Please! I wasn't trying to-!" The door slammed, Francis flinching and ducking his head.


End file.
